A Musician's Pride

how i felt about my own performance just now

Just when i was about to get a pinch of confidence towards my singing, yet i've made another terrible mistakes by ending the performance abruptly...

I dun want that to happen too, its just that i was so lost of words, and dun know how to make an ending to it.. I was waiting for something to come to my mind, so that i can react to it, but Joyce ended with good night, and so i just ended with thats the end of our last session.. and stopped there... Thats a terrible stage perfomance that we've made, our instructors got disappointed with us and just went back straight, when our instructors went back, joyce broke into tears..

after the performance, our seniors told us the mistakes we've made and had said alot of stuffs that really helped us alot.. it was encouraging and was also something i've learnt from them.. I felt like a primary school kid making stupid mistakes, feeling so angry and disappointed with myself...

on the way back, our mood was low, Joyce tried to cheer me up.. i tried to cheer her up too, but i couldn't even cheer myself up how can i bring myself to cheer her up.. and she broke into tears again.. i told her crying doesn't helps to solve the problem, we should do something to the problem and solve it..

on my way alone, i thought to myself.. what is ego.. do i really have such huge ego? or is it just that i am a pathetic guy who dun have self-confidence?? after much thinking, i think is both..

throughout this vocal course, i have really learnt alot, i learnt how to slowly throw away my huge ego and had learnt how to build my self-confidence...

it takes alot and lots of effort for me to put down my ego, be more courages to face the audiences, and be more confident in the way i talk.. no doubt i still have lots of ego in me, but there's also no doubt i am trying very hard to put down all those.. however, its still good to have a little ego at times depending on situations..

I am very disappointed with my own performance today, be it singing or the communication mistakes that i've made.. i think there is no point getting emotional and not doing anything to it...

To this terrible mistakes i'd made, i am going to learn from it, be able to stand up again, and be able do even better, to show that i am able to cope with the mistakes i've made and achieve something in my life to another level!

And to joyce, if you're reading my post, Jiayou too! dun be upset, we've to learn from our mistakes, never to repeat this kind of unforgiveable mistake again... else i believe it will really be unforgiveable, it will be to our own good if we are able to get through this kind of test to us..

it will be to my own good if i am able to break my ego and achieve something in life!

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. ``10/12/2008 11:19:00 PM